[Return to Source]

Please continue to record your observations in your journal. Choose one or more of these exercises and set aside a meaningful period of time each day to practice them.

Exercise Number One

Make a commitment to give away material objects to which you have the greatest attachment. Choose items that do not have practical value so they will not have to be replaced. Notice what occurs in your mind when the commitment is made and when the objects are actually given away.

Exercise Number Two

The beginning of cultivating loving-friendliness is to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. Consciously go through a forgiveness process with those people in your life with whom you are still angry. This includes forgiving yourself for maintaining self-destructive patterns of thinking and behaving. See Forgiveness Meditation.

Exercise Number Three

Loving-Friendliness can be cultivated by taking time each day to practice the following visualization process. When you do this exercise for the first time, it may be helpful to remember a time in your life when someone gave you unconditional love or was extremely kind to you. Recall a particular incident where you vividly felt this love or kindness. Allow the memory of the feelings associated with that experience to emerge. These are the kind of feelings that you want to project during this exercise.  See Loving-Friendliness Meditation.  See also, Metta Meditations - a collection of Metta meditations by Ven. Ayya Khema.

Exercise Number Four

Compassion is another quality of mind that can be intentionally cultivated. The next time you encounter someone who is suffering and you are at a loss as to how to help, imagine that you are going through the same pain. Ask yourself, "How would I feel if this were me, and how would I want others to treat me? What would I be wanting most from the people in my life?" Trust your inner response and follow through with the ideas that emerge. Keep aware of how the individual is responding to your efforts so that you can modify them as needed.  See Compassion Meditation.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Breathing gently in and out of the heart center and allowing myself to come to rest where I am, in this room, on this cushion chair or bench. Just feeling this body just as it is right now. No need to change it.

First I ask forgiveness for the ways in which I have hurt or harmed others:

There are many ways I have hurt or harmed other beings, knowingly or unknowingly in thought or word or deed. I picture and remember these now -- the many ways I have betrayed or abandoned others or caused them pain. I remember these now, the ways I have caused suffering to others out of my own pain or confusion or fear...

I ask your forgiveness . . .

(Repeat for each image that comes to mind)

Then I offer myself forgiveness:

There are many ways in which I have hurt or harmed myself, knowingly or unknowingly betrayed or abandoned myself. I feel and remember these now.......and the many ways I have harmed myself in thought or word or deed....done so from my fear, from pain, from confusion, blindness......

I remember these now and feel the pain, and I offer myself forgiveness. I forgive myself . . . I did the best I knew how.

Then I offer forgiveness for others who have hurt or harmed me:

There are many ways in which others have hurt or harmed me, knowingly and unknowingly in thought and in word and deed. I picture and remember these now. I feel and remember them now, the many ways others have hurt or harmed me out of their fear, out of pain and confusion, out of their anger and blindness. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness.

I forgive you . . .

(Repeat for each image that comes to mind)

To forgive does not mean that we ever allow this to happen again. It is a movement of the heart to release ourselves from the bondage of the past. A movement of the heart to let go of the pain that we ourselves carry. Forgiveness is a gentle and gradual process. Over and over again we breathe in and out of the heart and feel what it is time to let go of . . . .
 
 

    The practice of loving-friendliness, sometimes referred to as loving-kindness,  is a specific meditation practice that can be used both to develop concentration and to develop the quality of friendliness. The following instructions are adapted from "A Path With Heart" by Jack Kornfield, (Bantham Books 1993):

Begin by repeating the following phrases over and over for 15-20 minutes once or twice daily in a quite place for several months. At first this meditation may feel mechanical or awkward or even bring up the opposite feelings of irritation and anger. If this happens, itis especially important to be patient and kind toward yourself, allowing whatever arises to be received in a spirit of friendliness and kind affection. In its own time, even in the face of inner difficulties, loving-friendliness will develop.

Sit in a comfortable fashion. Let your body relax and be at rest. As best you can, let your mind be quiet, letting go of plans and preoccupations. Then begin to recite inwardly the following phrases directed to yourself. You begin with yourself because without loving yourself it is almost impossible to love others.

     May I be filled with loving-friendliness
     May I be well
     May I be peaceful and at ease
     May I be happy

As you say the phrases, you may also wish to use the image from the Buddha's instructions: picture yourself as a young and beloved child, or sense yourself as you are now, held in the heart of loving-friendliness. Repeat the phrases again and again, letting the feelings permeate your body and mind.

Practice this meditation repeatedly for a number of weeks until the sense of loving-friendliness for yourself grows.

When you feel ready, in the same meditation period you can gradually expand the focus of your loving-friendliness to include others. After yourself, choose a benefactor, someone in your life who has truly cared for you. Picture them and carefully recite the same phrases: May he/she be filled with loving-friendliness and so forth. When loving-friendlinessfor your benefactor has developed, begin to include other people you love in the meditation, picturing them and reciting the same phrases, evoking a sense of loving-friendliness for them.

After this, you can gradually begin to include others: friends, community members, neighbours, people everywhere, animals, the whole earth, and all beings. Then you can even experiment with including the most difficult people in your life, wishing that they, too, be filled with loving-friendliness and peace. With some practice a steady sense of loving-friendliness can develop and in the course of 15 or 20 minutes you will be able to include many beings in your meditation, moving from yourself, to a benefactor and loved ones, to all beings everywhere.

Then you can learn to practice it anywhere. You can use this meditation in traffic jams, in buses and airplanes, in doctors' waiting rooms, in a thousand other circumstances. As you silently practice this loving-friendliness meditation among people, you will immediately feel a wonderful connection with them -- the power of loving-friendliness. It will calm your life and keep you connected to your heart.
 
 

Traditionally this meditation begins with the self. In our your culture it is very difficult for many people to offer loving wishes to themselves so we begin with one to whom it is easier to offer such thoughts and then come around to the self.

This is not forgiveness, which is a further step, but only opening your heart to the pain, the pain of all beings, and wishing them well.

There is no wrong or right way to do this practice. If resistance arises, simply note it and re-enter the meditation in whatever way you are able. You are not requested to dive all the way in but only to enter as deeply as is comfortable.

As you work with this practice, please modify it and make it your own.

Find a comfortable position, body relaxed, back erect, eyes closed softly.

Bring to the heart and mind the image of one who for whom there is loving respect. This may be a dear friend, parent, teacher or any being with whom the primary relationship is one in which you have been nurtured.

Look deeply at that being, deeper than you ever have before, and see that he or she has suffered. He has felt pain of the body or the heart. She has known grief, loss and fear. He has felt loneliness and disconnection. She has been lost and confused. See the ways this dear one has suffered.

Speaking silently from the heart, note this one’s pain,
offering first the name: ____________

You have suffered.
I see how you have felt alone, afraid, in pain.
You have felt grief.
You have felt alienated, felt your heart closed.
Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished for.

What loving thoughts can you offer this dear one?
Let the thoughts come with the breath, arising and moving out .  .  .

May you be free of suffering.
May you be happy.
May you love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May you find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with this dear one, to open to his/her pain and offer these wishes, prompted by the loving heart.

(Pause)

Now, let this loved one move aside and in his/her place invite in your own self.  It is sometimes so hard to open our hearts to ourselves. What blocks that love? Just for experiment sake, please follow the practice and see how it feels, even if it is difficult.

Look deeply at the self and observe that, just as with the loved one, you have suffered. You have felt pain of the body or the heart. You have known grief, loss and fear. You have felt loneliness and disconnection, felt lost and confused. See the ways you have suffered. Without engaging in maudlin self-pity, simply observe the wounds you have borne.

Speaking silently from the heart, this time to your own self,
offering first your name: ___________________

You have suffered.
I see how you have felt alone, afraid, in pain.
You have felt grief.
You have felt alienated, felt your heart closed.
Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished for.

What do you wish for yourself?

May you be free of suffering.
May you be happy.
May you love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May you find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with your deepest self, to open to your pain and longing and offer these wishes, prompted by the loving heart.

(Pause)

Now let the self move aside and in its place invite in one with whom there has been hard feeling. It's best not to choose the heaviest relationship at first but allow practice with less difficult pain and move slowly to the heavier emotions.

It is so painful to maintain that separation. A wise teacher has said, "Never put anyone out of your heart." What blocks opening?

Letting go....

Just for experiment sake, please follow the practice and see how it feels, even if it is difficult. Please express your own pain too, as you speak to this one. Can you feel the space where your pain is one?

Give this one’s name, speaking from your heart: _________________

You have hurt me, through your words, your acts, even your thoughts.
Through what came from you I have experienced pain.
When I look deeply, I see that you have also known pain.
You have suffered. I see how you have felt alone, afraid, in pain.
You have felt grief.
You have felt alienated, felt your heart closed.
Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished for.

May you be free of suffering.
May you be happy.
May you love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May you find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with this one, to open to his/her pain and offer these wishes, prompted by the loving heart.

(Pause)

Throughout the world, beings suffer. Not only humans but plants, insects, animals, even the earth herself.

May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.
May all beings be happy.

(Bell)

May all love and be loved.
May all find the healing that they seek.

(Bell)

May all beings everywhere find perfect peace.

(Bell)